They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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