We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
