Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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