It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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