How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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