rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
