Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
