I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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