Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
