she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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