my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
