bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
