just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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