I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
