he wants to bone in the snuggie
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
