I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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