i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
