I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
