I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
