I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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