Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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