i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
