Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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