when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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