in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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