the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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