Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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