you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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