the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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