Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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