Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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