at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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