my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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