Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
