He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh god it's open bar.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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