my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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