o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
