I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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