he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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