Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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