he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
