i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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