I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
