i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
