you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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