I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
