so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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