My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
