trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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