just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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