Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
