I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
