I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
