Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
