What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
