It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
